I had been battling for months of depression and anxiety, coupled with situations I had no control over and I broke. It has been an emotional few months. I kept being told that I just needed to be positive, that I need to just change my attitude and honestly I didn’t know how (don’t know how). My struggles have been quite vocal online, yet people never really asked if I was okay.
Prevashan had been great though. He helped me through most of it.
Denial and finally acceptance I guess. Once I reached overeating, dressing sloppily and gave literally no shits about keeping a tidy space – I knew I needed help. It was only in the last few weeks that I came to the decision that I need to see a therapist. Maybe it’s the shame of rehashing the past again, maybe it’s speaking the hurt that I’m afraid to do. I’ll let you know how it goes.
You know, the thing is that nothing really stands out as the breaking point. It seemed I had been compacting problems and situations and suddenly my box filled up and I couldn’t ignore how broken I truly was. I started this year lying to myself. I told myself that I was okay, that I would kick ass and it would be my most successful year yet. Hell, I had written down goal after goal. But by mid-January, the despondent loudness became unbearable. A full content calendar had been created, office set-up and then nothing. Everything I had envisioned for 2018 started fading away.
Then it felt better, my birthday came around and for the first time, I actually had some sense of purpose. I joked that maybe I had been under Mercury’s retrograde this entire time, maybe. But then I also found some cheesy Pinterest quote online that read, “Sometimes you just have to accept that some people are shitty humans and stop trying to see the good that isn’t there.” I finally feel like myself. So from an old friend, I just wanted to let you know – I’m back.